Production Notes: Condorman

At the risk of incurring the full-bore legal wrath Uncle Walt's litigious minions - ERH has seen 'The Simpsons' and knows how this shit goes down - we offer up this pristine set of production notes for 1981's Condorman that we found whilst rooting around the basement looking for misfiled bongo.

An ironic, plasticky, underfunded, Mittel-European superhero dud starring a gormless English sitcom star? What could go wrong...?

Caption Comp #4: Congo

In the wake of lunchbox-friendly monster mash Jurassic Park, polymath author Michael Crichton's novels were very much the hot Hollywood ticket. What it took the Burbank brain trust a good decade to realise, however, is that most of these thundering best sellers were no more than overly-contrived, underplotted airport novels with a few still-warm ideas ripped from the letters pages of Scientific American. Anyone who has had the piteous misfortune to sit through either Michael Douglas's skull-brained internet-based nork-fest Disclosure or the withering idiocy of Timeline can attest to as much.

Then there's Congo. Congo is 4/10 Crichton - not as good as Sphere, not as bad as Runaway - and tiffs along with a certain amiable idiocy until a goofy, unconvincing last reel queers the pitch. What it also has is this boffo production still, which is just begging for a a caption...

The usual prize to the winning entry.